CRACKER JACK DIET FLUSHES OUT COMPETITIONPosted January 6, 2005By: Madeline Upp
The diet was originally created in 1918 by Sailor Jack as a way to stay in shape for his job as spokesman for the Cracker Jack company. Sailor Jack is now touring the country and touting the diet as a way to stay in shape and maintain a youthful appearance. At a recent rally in Houston, Texas, Mr. Jack explained how the diet works. It is built on the principle of building muscle mass in small increments and is quite simple. Everytime he goes to the bathroom he does fifty jumping jacks. After a week of success by not missing any jumping jack sessions, the dieter rewards himself with a box of Cracker Jack. The dieter must not add any calories to his usual diet but does not have to subtract to see positive results. If the dieter goes to the bathroom 5 times a day, he will have done 91,250 jumping jacks at the end of a year. Mr. Jack criticized current diets for the their complicated nature. He said most diets require extensive record keeping or expensive equipment such as a pedometer. He said, "Most people in America do not have the time or money to go to a gym but everybody has to go to the bathroom." He further promised that as a service to America, the Cracker Jack company will do everything it can to meet increased production requirements and will keep prices low. He did admit that part of the secret to the success of the diet are the special ingredients in a box of Cracker Jack. Government scientists are currently trying to determine how a box a Cracker Jacks and jumping jacks could keep the 87 year-old Sailor Jack looking so young. Mrs. Ethel Finklestein, an attendee at the free rally, said she will definitely participate in the program. She said, "Cracker Jacks are so cheap, the diet must be good. I hope I will soon look as young as him." Dr. Egbert Helman of the Mayo clinic advised participants to first consult their doctors before attempting this or any new diet program, but said that he is very impressed with the Cracker Jack diet. "It doesn't expect too much of the dieter and unlike most diets, physical fitness is a key part of the plan." He warned participates to do the jumping jacks after going to the potty to avoid any embarrassing mishaps. According to Mr. Jack his tour will include an appearance in the near future on the Oprah Show. Ms. Winfrey recently credited Mr. Jack's diet as her favorite. She would not confirm or deny rumours that after his tour, he will work as her personal trainer. She did say, "I love that little guy." |
Americans are never without a new diet fad and 2005 is proving no different. With the popularity of the Atkins Low-Carb diet waning, it is being replaced with the Cracker Jack diet. The Cracker Jack diet has been around for 87 years but is now finding its way into the bathrooms of mainstream America.